mybabybunnyblog

1st of March 2012.

2012-03-01T10:40:00.003+08:00

I dreamt of him this morning. It was such a happy dream. I was carrying him in my arms and we were walking around. He was sleeping and smiling. It made me so happy to feel him and see him. I woke up feeling so happy and smiling too.

These past few days have been tough ones. Had been feeling depressed and just couldn't handle missing him. Its nearing the date again. I have mixed feelings. I look forward to it and I dread it all at the same time.

I dreamt of my little baby boy!

2011-10-11T11:40:00.003+08:00

10th October 2011. I dreamt of him this morning. In my dream he had a mustache n beard. I was trimming it for him with a scissors. Weird. Anyways, I carried him in my dream too. It felt so good carrying him. I told him it felt so good to carry him n feel the weight of him on me. I miss him so much. But it made me so happy to have dreamt of him.

I miss you!

2011-10-02T23:46:00.001+08:00

I miss u Mathias. I miss u so much. It hurts so much everyday without u. I sit here looking at ur pics everyday n wishing I can hold u again. This is so much more than I can bear.

It's going to be a month without u. N it has not gotten any better. I still hurt as much if not worse. I miss ur presence so much my honeypie. This sucks so bad. I am very worried abt whether I can handle this.

Ur papa is not going to be around this thurs where it's ur death anniversary of a month. I have serious doubts abt whether I can hold up.

I sometimes wonder why this had to happen. Why God chose u to be my son n me ur mother. Why He allowed u to be born with this genetic disease Menkes. Although he allowed us this precious time together but I still can't understand why he did it. It hurts so much to be without u now. Why couldn't He let u be born healthy n be with us longer? Did I cherish u more cause of ur sickness?

I have only memories of u now n it's not enough. It's never enough. I will forever hurt n miss u my merky boy! It takes so much of me everyday without u. Can I last? I need to. Please remember mama. Cause mama is pining for u my baby boy.

Precious

2011-09-20T00:11:00.001+08:00

29 June 2008 - 6 September 2011

My beloved Mathias. Little baby angel!

Long days

2011-09-19T23:55:00.003+08:00

Days without Mathias is tough. A heavy cross to be carried. One I wish would never have happened. I miss my baby so much. I only cry once in awhile. I have good days n bad days. Bad days are really bad. Sometimes i feel like lying there and not doing anything. Takes too much effort to get going even. But i wake up early everyday. Can't sleep too late either. My body doesn't allow me rest. I feel tired all the time. I wish to see him now. Enfold him in my arms once again. But i know its not to be. Trudging along till the day I get to see him again.

Hardest journey ever taken!

2011-09-03T06:31:00.002+08:00

Today is e 3rd of September. Here I sit on my bed next to Mathias at
6.03am. His breathing is loud n labored. It sounds cluttered with phlegm. His catheter is once again clogged. Would need to flush it once again later after giving a call to his nurses.

I feel very scared. I know that this is e toughest journey I have ever made so far. Not one I would have chosen for myself. But if this is what God has planned for me, I will walk through it n become a stronger person.

In 2004, 3rd of September, amazingly I was also losing someone who meant so much to me. I am surprised that it's happening around e same time. But looking back now, that cannot even compare with e loss now. I know that God will guide me through this just like e last time. I thought i wouldn't make it through then but I did. I became a much better person and one who knew my emotions n myself better. I am so much happier with my husband now then I would have had with that person. But of course i didn't know it then. It was a blessing in disguise. If not for what happened, I wouldn't have been strong enough to go through this experience with Mathias. I am blessed.

It's horrible having to watch my baby suffer like that n knowing that I am losing him. Yes, I do not like losing him. It's scaring me like hell. I do not know literally how i will cope without him with me anymore. After dedicating my entire life to him, e loss n despair will be horrendous. But I also know I need to let him go cause he has fought so long already n he has fought strongly n well for so long. I am proud of Mathias. He has been so brave n strong. I cannot keep him with me for my own selfish reasons. He can do so much more in heaven. Run, laugh, walk, giggle, talk. All that he can't do on earth, he will be able to do in heaven. He is suffering so much already and it's more then enough already.

I know that some people may not understand e rational behind my husband's n my decision with caring for Mathias at home instead of e hospital. I do not expect them to understand nor agree with our decision. We know that Mathias is happier being at home then e hospital and what we want for him now is for him to be as comfortable as possible. We will give him e same care that he will receive in a hospital. There's nothing more that they can do that cannot be done at home. Yes i can send him for test n probes, but even if we do find out e causes, r we going to put him through an operation when it would not be curing him of the main problem. Menkes is not curable.

I can put him on all sorts of machines to prolong his life, but would that really be for e best. Yes, i will prolong his life but at e expense of him suffering and that is not what I want for him. I just want for him to have great memories with us and to leave when it's time. It has been a precious 3 years. I would never trade anything for it. I love my son, illness n all. I do not regret having him nor giving him my all. I regret having no tool to cure him.

Life will be hard after he is gone but we have created so many beautiful memories together. I will always remember him n carry him in my heart. He will forever be my baby!

Struggle

2011-03-03T22:16:00.001+08:00

It's been a struggle for me. All along I've always been asking God to give me more time with Mathias. Wanting more time to be with him. Wanting him close to me. But I realized today that I have been selfish. Seeing him with his bloated tummy, taking so much medicine, loud breathing, tons of phlegm, I ask myself is this truly what I want for him. He has been such a strong n brave boy. Enough is enough. I realize that what I should be praying for instead is that for God to take him home. To end his suffering. He has fought a long n tough battle here on earth. He has fought hard n well to be here with us. And God has been gracious, giving us so much time. Obviously, it's never enough. I will always want to hold my boy, kiss him, smell him, stroke his face n head. But I have to start to let him go. I cannot continue holding on to him. I suppose he can feel it n knows. I dun want him to hang on just for me.
Although I have accepted it, a small part of me just can't let go. I sometimes feel so overwhelmed. Can I really handle this. I know eventually I will cause God will give me the strength. And he will never give me a cross too heavy to carry.
But right now, I feel so alone.

Is he in pain?

2011-01-20T11:18:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when Mathias has his spasms, I wonder if he is in pain? If not why would he go on n on? He has been having spasms e last few days. On two nights he even went on thru e night. He is now at it still while in my arms. Is there anyway of testing if he is in pain I wonder.

Pictures galore

2010-08-17T22:18:00.003+08:00

Been posting pics of Mathias n Zebedee on facebook. Those who wanna see, click on the links.

KL,Genting 6-8Dec2009

Genting21-24March2010

Resort World Sentosa

Zebeedee's arrival26May2010

Mathias 2nd yr n Zebedee's 1 mth celebration

Daily going ons

I think I am going insane

2010-08-12T23:05:00.002+08:00

I know I shouldn't be like this but I just can't help myself...I HATE "A" Dad. I am so sick n tired of fighting with him over Mathias. I have never seen a person so inconsiderate or annoying.

He is the only person who is so very dirty. Who might be a carrier of germs n viruses cause he hangs out all day long with his so called drinking pals. I totally understand that, thats his lifestyle but please spare a thought for my son. He comes back super drunk.....dirty...smelly.....n wants to come near Mathias..... I have been having this conflict with him ever since Mathias was born. If you want to play or carry Mathias, take a bath first.....or dun come near him ..... dun go near him n talk cause we dunno if his saliva will spray onto Mathias...if you know what I mean. I may sound paranoid...but because of Mathias' no immune system...I make it a point not to expose him unnecessarily.

He gets sick easily n once he is sick, his phlegm increases exponentially. It gets very difficult for him to breathe n sleep..... For people who dunno n think that Mathias is just like any other baby,.....let me tell you what happens everyday....

Before every meal, he has to be suctioned....what do I mean suction.....I have to use a machine to draw out his phlegm from his nose n throat. Its not a comfortable thing for him or for me...but one I put up with n do for his benefit.... sometimes if there's lots of phlegm, the suctioning can take about 30 mins. He has to take Ventolyn n Becotite puff once a day...... that's to open his breathing passageway.... he takes his atropine drop 3 times a day....that helps to dry up the phlegm. Nose drop 2 times a day to dry up the mucus... on top of all these, he is also on medication for his spasms ..... Valium n Chloral Hydrate twice a day.... the valium cause tons of phlegm....hence the suctioning ...... but when he gets sick.....the phlegm production increases like mad....... at this point, he won't be able to sleep thru the night....he will wake up cause he can't breathe right....I will then have to suction him before he can sleep again....sometimes, he can't go back to sleep.....sleep for Mathias is another issue.....the Chloral Hydrate n Valium helps to relax him too ..... but sometimes even that dun help.....

So knowing how much this little boy is suffering...on top of not being able to talk....eat ....move by himself..... why the hell would you want to add to his pain..... HE keeps saying that he loves him n wants to sayang him then WHY THE HELL DO YOU NOT SACRIFICE A BIT ....... don't go out all the time if you say you want to play with him....... bath n keep clean......

I simply cannot understand....n its annoying me no end. I have already made so much sacrifices for my baby boy.... I do not go out on weekdays... I stay at home with him everyday....I mean literally that I don't get to step out of the house not even to buy my lunch....... I make sure I do my marketing on the weekends so that I can have my lunch...... I have forsaken my beauty regime totally..... I can't even exercise now after giving birth..... I don't mind giving all these up cause to me ....Mathias is more important....

To me keeping him healthy n safe is the most important thing. I put in so much effort to keep him in tip top condition..... Maintenance is the word I would use.....I hate it when "A" dad comes n destroy all that.....cause he MIGHT be carrying germs....... He keeps on saying that he wants to sayang him...n I say to him that HE IS NOT SHOWING THAT WITH HIS ACTIONS!!!!!!!!!

I am trying to keep my son alive for a longer period of time..... that's all I'm doing..... More time with him..... PLEASE CAN'T HE SEE THAT ....I am so sick n tired of watching his actions everyday when he gets home. I am so tired...........really tired...... home is supposedly the safest place.....but it is not for me......I feel so upset.

When my son suffers....I suffer along with him....it hurts me to see him in pain or discomfort...... I really can't wait for my flat...I have another yr.......this sucks so bad.......

Collin Raye : She's with Me Lyrics

2010-03-19T19:38:00.001+08:00

Was overwhelmed by this song I heard on May's blog. Made me tear. Thought to share with u all too. Its already playing when you log into my blog.

She’s with me
I proudly tell the maitre de as we arrive
He seems surprised
In a clumsy moment as he looks for room, for her blessed chair
A table stares, and their eyes show only pity
as they try to sympathize
Oh, how difficult that must be, look away
Day after day, they’ll never see, the joy you bring
Only happy at the times I know that she’s with me

I wear it like a badge of honor at the mall
I hear her call, the only way that she is able with a cry
Time to go bye bye, she can’t say why
Maybe tired, maybe hurting, god I wish that I could tell
Do I ever make her happy for awhile
To see her smile, makes my week,
Though she can’t speak,
She let’s me know she feels my love when she’s with me

I know just what heaven looks like when I see that perfect face
For no other mortal heart could be so fair
I myself so weak and weary, so imperfect as a man
How could I be the one you chose to care for our girl
Never done a single deed to earn the right to share her light
Though it’s such a painful road we walk each day
Lord you have your ways, this I pray
On the day I stand before you, she’ll stand right by my side
When you look upon me, head hung down in shame
I’ll feel the blame, she’ll look at me,
And then she’ll speak, in that precious voice
Don’t worry ‘bout him my lord, cuz you see,
He’s with me

2010-03-04T15:37:00.008+08:00

Both baby Mathias n I are trying to get well from a bout of flu. Doing much better now as compared to last week. Went for another scan n all was normal. Sigh of relief. Baby didi has been super active in my tummy. Think he is fighting with his brother who keeps lying on my tummy and squeezing him. May is fast approaching. Yikes. Seems so much faster this time round.

Oh here are some photos taken recently.

Someone trying to act cool. Haha....so cute. Like a little bumblebee.

Looking sleepy on granny's lap.

My little toes n fingers. I have a serious fetish with them. Hahahhahaha......

Bought from Giant in JB. Asadi.... wat the heck is tt??? But it looked so cute.

Little toes again. Look like grapes to me.

Going for one last trip before giving birth. Papa likes Genting so we are going up again. Mathias likes the cool weather there too. Mama just likes to laze in the hotel room while papa gallivants in the casinos. Hahaha......Going during my birthday week.....yippeee

munch munch.......

2010-02-28T12:08:00.003+08:00

This was the chickeedee when he was 3 or 4 mths old. So rascal. ;-)

walking watermelon

2010-02-03T14:57:00.003+08:00

Random pictures taken last year. There's bun bun hanging in the christmas stocking on the door. hahaha.....

Me feeding the boy boy.

Someone snoozing away contentedly.

Bun's got a new nose.

Not sure what he's up to here.

Snoozing on his personal dunlop pillow.

Everything is going smoothly. Mathias is doing well n I'm doing well too. Getting to be a real big watermelon. Weather's turning real hot too. Not too good for me as I feel like I am in a sauna half the time. Luckily I have air con at night. Hahahaha..... We are not going visiting this year during CNY as I do not want to be bombasted with questions from ppl who have not seen boy boy with his tube n all. Sickening to have to keep repeating myself everywhere I go. So we are going to hang at home n go out to East Coast.

Taken off someone's blog

2010-01-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

Who Would Want a Child Like That?

I am told one doctor said to another about a woman wanting to bear and deliver a child with known severe disabilities: "But who would want a child like that anyway?"

Dear Doctor:

Who would want a child "like that"? A person who wants to learn about love. A person who wants to know about self-sacrifice. A person who wants to know more about the value of life, who wants to move beyond the understanding of owning stuff to the understanding of giving and emptying of the self.

Who wants child "like that"? A person who is connected, a person who wants a challenge, a person who wants to face hell and own heaven right here, right now. A person who wants to grow and change and learn to navigate the waters of joy and despair, of choices deep and dark and profound.

Who wants one "like that"? Someone strong who wants to learn about weakness. Someone weak who wants to learn about strength. A person who wants to change the whole world, a person who wants to change one child's world. A person who wants to cry hard and laugh harder. A person who wants to drink deeply from what is sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet.

In short, who wants a child "like that"? A parent wants a child like that...their child...and they want to have every chance to do their job well. They deserve every support medical and social, emotional and financial that it takes to bring "that child's" life to fruition, to bring "that child's" gifts to the world into which "that child", for whatever reason, chose to enter.

Who are you to question the life of a child "like that"?

Dedicated to Barbara Farlow, a woman who wanted to raise her child "like that", but wasn't given the chance...

someone on oxy

2010-01-16T23:54:00.002+08:00

Things have been smooth going lately. Nothing out of the ordinary happened which is a blessing. Just got back from a BBQ with "A" friends. Was a good night out. Baby enjoyed himself too. Hehe.

Oh, n I decided on little boy's name already. Its going to be Eden Maximus. I like Eden, the papa wants the Maximus. Wang Lian Jie for the mandarin name I think. Still sitting on the mandarin name though.

These were photos taken when boy boy had to be placed on oxy.

He is so cutie pie.

Malacca trip in August

2009-12-21T12:42:00.006+08:00

Been a long while since I last blogged. Many things have happened that I didn't update about. Well, first of all, Mathias is doing well. Managed to keep his spasms at bay. He is on a couple of med. Some to help with the spasms, others to help cope with the phelgm that is caused by the medicine. He is growing and getting smarter each day. He now uses his new found teeth to cause us pain when we try cleaning his teeth or give him his med. Haha....

Other than that, I am now 4 months preggie n its a boy. All's clear. He is Menkes free and his chromosomes are ok. The only one who ain't happy about the new addition is Mathias. He has been super sticky to me.

Haven't been posting pics of Mathias too, so will start by posting up his Malacca trip in August. We just came back from KL n Genting recently too. Will post those the next round.

Papa n baby.

View from our hotel room at The Renaissance.

A very sleepy baby.

Water................ didn't dare drink the tap water as it looks yellow.

Our snacks. Hahaha

Someone having his milk.

I must sit with my mama...

n sleep on her lap.

Someone else enjoying herself.

Don't I look cute says Mathias.

At Nancy's Kitchen. A very yummy Pernakan restaurant.

Oh, n I got preggie just after this trip. Hahahaha........

Oxy Oxy here we come

2009-10-28T16:51:00.002+08:00

Had been a tiring few days. Due to the new medicine, it aggravated his phelgm issue. Normally he has lots of phelgm but it worsened after taking the new med. Anyhow, we had to put him on the oxygen machine as his breathing was super laboured plus his skin on the outer part of his lips were a little greyish. He hated the oxygen tube. Kept throwing a tantrum. No choice. Not like I wanted to put him on it but of course he don't get it. At least its improving. He is on antibiotics now and his phelgm is clearing up slowly but surely. He is also taking to the idea of the oxygen tube too. Put him on it last night. Should be able to take him off it soon I think. Once the phelgm clears up. Another night tonight I think should do it. Very tired. Dragging my lifeless body around the house. Haha......

New med n new friends

2009-10-19T14:05:00.002+08:00

Mathias has been given new medicine on top of his sedative. Its Diazepam. He will start on it tonight. At the same time, an oxygen machine has also moved in with him. Hehe. Hope I don't have to use it. Its only if he sounds like he has trouble breathing. That's a scary thought. He has been well behaved this past 2 days after his spasms on friday night which lasted till saturday afternoon. Looking tired though.

Guess will see how the new medicine goes. Keeping my fingers crossed that it works. ;-)

Snooze

2009-10-16T12:51:00.001+08:00

Pictures of him snoozing on granny's and my lap.

Spasms3

2009-10-15T10:05:00.002+08:00

Spasms2

2009-10-15T09:43:00.002+08:00

Spasms

2009-10-13T13:00:00.003+08:00

Mathias has been suffering from this for a couple of months already. Its not fits. So not knowing what it could be, we called it spasms. The doctors do not know too. Did a scan already and still not sure what it is. Anyways, even with sedatives given to him, he doesn't sleep at all the entire night. He will keep up the struggling or spasming as I call it. Its horrible to watch him like tt all night long. His doctors dare not give him anything stronger cause they are worried that he will forget to breathe if he goes into too deep a sleep. He is currently taking chloral hydrate. Its happening more and more frequently. Every few days or so now. At my wits end.

A day to remember

2009-09-18T13:14:00.002+08:00

On the 17th of September 2009, my son pooed in his bath. This is a first ever! He looked really happy to top it up. So gross!!! First he pee on me. Then when I placed him in the tub and was bathing him, I saw yellowy stuff floating about. That's when I realised that my precious has poo pooed. Faint! He happily did it 3 times before he stopped. Do you hear me screeching. Had to refill his tub n bath again. So naughty the little boy. Make me dirty and make the bath water dirty too.

my precious

2009-08-20T16:09:00.006+08:00

Some shots taken recently. Baby n daddy bonding together.

Someone demanding to sleep on me. Was making so much noise before that cause he wanted to sleep on me.

Daddy doing the feeding for a change.

A Carls Junior burger is as big as my face, Mathias says.

Went to East Coast for a walk. Someone enjoyed it so much. Nice and breezy.

Posing for me. ;-)

I am the King, he says. All bow before me!!!

Looking a litte grumpy after milk.

At Ma's new house. We celebrated "A" birthday too.

Mathias sleeping contentedly while we talked.

Looking cute. One of the few times he smiled that we managed to catch. He has been smiling a little bit more these days.

Someone's new teeth. I am not a toothless tiger anymore. "ROAR"

Me and baby.

Look at how he sleeps!

While having fever. Still as inquisitive as usual.

Will be going for a short holiday to Melaka again next weekend. Looking forward to it.

Went to see Dr Lai last week. Thought about what she asked and have decided that when the end comes. I will want Mathias to be warded for the doctor's to do all that they can. Only if they tell me that there is really nothing more to be done then I will bring him home. I want to do my best for him or I think I will regret it after. The other option was to let him be comfortable at home. As there really is nothing much to do except maybe prolong it. But for me, I think I just want to be sure I have exhausted every possible means before we just let him go. I do not want to look back and wonder if what I did was the best for him. I guess I have come to some sort of peace with this decision.

pics of boyboy at the beginning of the year

2009-08-12T12:20:00.002+08:00

Someone pooed so much that he had rashes on his butt. Airing it for him. ;-)

When he was down with fever.

He placed his hands there himself.

With granny.

Looking so cute.

news

2009-08-10T16:42:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since I last blogged. Haven't been in the mood plus had been looking after Mathias. All in all, he has been warded 3times. All due to Pneumonia and bronchitis. Milk n food kept going into his lungs. It has been tiring. I dun like staying in the hospital although its become like a 2nd home to me. Hehe. Its tough seeing him there. The machines plus all those tubes and breathing apparatus. The worst part is when they need to take his blood for tests. He always seem to have trouble with that and so it takes a super long time. Once it took them 2 hours just to get a couple of tubes worth of blood. He cried and screamed till he had no more voice n energy. My poor baby. Anyway, he is now on tube feeding for those who dunno. Life has also pretty much gotten back to normal too. He just recovered from high fever too. Started on Friday evening. Luckily for him, the pelatic team was here on friday afternoon and already suspected that he might come down with a fever due to his chesty sounds coming from his lungs. They made a prescription for me to collect his antibiotics at KK. Hence was able to go get it without having to go thru emergency ward. Cause the first few times this happened, we had to go in cause the GP can't or don't dare to treat him. Being under the care of the Pelatic team is good. At least I don't panick when things happen. He is now fine and is sleeping next to me while I type this. Think his milk that he regurgitated went back into his lungs. Sigh. No other reason for the high fever. Been sucking his phelgm regularly too. That helps I guess. But still very chesty n phelgmy.

Updates for those that I don't see on a regular basis. Genetic tests that were sent to the States came back good. I am not a carrier of the mutated gene. Mathias is a random case. So that means that my next child(son) would be fine. I really hope so. Am trying for another child now but its not so easy. Things have fallen into a regular pattern each day. Am more rested too. Mathias is still super sticky to me. But I love him so much that I let him get his way much too often. Haha.

Will post pics soon. Mostly I post my pics on facebook these days as its easier. ;-)

A poem shared with me by someone I met on a support network for rare diseases

2009-06-26T12:24:00.001+08:00

THESE MOMS SHARE SPECIAL GIFTS

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger. 'Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecelia. Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.' Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles, 'Give her a handicapped child.'

The angel is curious, 'Why this one, God? She's so happy.'

'Exactly,' says God. 'Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.'

'But has she patience?' asks the angel.

'I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world, and that's not going to be easy.'

'But, Lord, I don't think that she even believes in you.'

God smiles, 'No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.'

The angel gasps, 'Selfishness? Is that a virtue?'

God nods, 'If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says Momma for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.'

'I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice...and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.'

'And what about her patron saint?' asks the angel, pen poised in midair.

God smiles, 'A mirror will suffice.'

Menkes

2009-03-11T09:06:00.003+08:00

For someone who never believes in buying 4D or TOTO, I feel like I have hit the one in a million jackpot. Why do I say that? Mathias has been diagnosed with Menkes. What is that you say. Its a copper deficiency in the child which leads to shortened lifespan. He is the No. 2 child here in Singapore to have it. Or should I say the 2nd child as the rest were probably misdiagnosed as Epilepsy or something.

Anyway, the chances of getting it is like 1 out of 100,000. So yes, I have struck jackpot. I cannot get luckier than this. I should probably go buy 4D or TOTO. Who knows, I might strike it big.

A little bit about Menkes. Its a condition where the body cannot produce copper therefore leading to other problems. Like brain degeneration, hypotonia, sagging features, seizures, light copperish hair color, little hair, wiry hair and the likes. They often have a life span of 7mths to 3yrs. There is currently no medicine available here to treat it. They can source for it overseas. Such cases seem to happen more overseas due to our small population.

I suppose to a certain degree I am considered lucky. It was a visiting Doctor from UK that saw him while he was warded for the MRI. She took a look at him and said that she suspected that he might be deficient in copper. I suppose if it wasn't for her, the doctos would still be trying to get more blood from Mathias to test for more stuff. None of the doctors I saw even suspected it.

So they took his blood and tried testing it for copper deficiency. The results were this week and we were called down yesterday. After hearing the doctors, I was a little unsure of how to proceed. Whether I should let him take the medicine if they can get it in or should I just let him live out the remainder of his life in relative peace and comfort. The medicine or supplement can do the most when taken during the first few days of life. At the point Mathias is at, it might not do anything for him.

I wanted to put him on the supplements at first but after much consideration, I have decided not to. Even if he is placed on the supplements, it might help prolonge his life by a little or make him a little stronger. But it will not be able to reverse his brain degeneration. He has already gone from smiling all the time to not smiling at all and crying most of the time. He is also not talking much as compared to previously. I feel that at this point, I just want him to have a happy and comfortable time with us. I do not want to prolong his pain. As the supplements will require injections twice a day, more blood test to see if his body is accepting the copper or rejecting it. No more agitating him. I feel its already a blessing that I have this time with him.

Its a tough decision to make but one I feel is the best for him. I do not know how much time we have but we will spend it well. Going on a holiday with him. Driving up to Malacca. Forgoing our trip to Vietnam. "A" wants to bring him to Hong Kong's Disneyland but I felt that should wait awhile as he might not be able to take the journey yet as its pretty far.

As I was saying, there is another case of Menkes in Singapore. The baby is now 6mths old. They found out about it earlier as the baby had frequent bouts of fits. I am lucky in that sense although I do not know if it will start up too for Mathias. I suppose if the visiting doctor was not around, we might not even know that its this condition and to check for it. Sigh, God is good la right. At least there will be closure for us. We can do all the things we want with baby before its too late. Will be taking family photos together too. I want his portriat in my room so as to always remember him.

I will continue to be strong for baby and learn to accept what God has given us. Its difficult but we will walk through it and become even stronger. Chin up "A".

We will also be doing the genetic test to see if I am a carrier and passed it to baby or its just a random thing that happened. Will decide from there what steps to take for our next child. Will elaborate on that another day.

saddened

2009-02-13T15:18:00.002+08:00

Life sure is unpredictable. I am saddened by what the doctor said. Went for a 2nd opinion at NUH. Senior consultant Dr Ong. Well, he said that Mathias's condition seems quite bad. His muscle tone on a scale of 0 to 10 is 1. That's bad right? I asked him is he trying to tell me to be prepared for the worse and he said something to that effect.

I won't deny that after hearing that, I was devastated. How can a mother hear this sort of news and not feel upset by it. It took me quite some time to get my feelings and thoughts under control. Yes, yes, I was sobbing often. Seeing kids that were fine made me tear up all over again. I was super low. I just could not understand how this could have happened. Everything is fine with Mathias just his motor skill is hampered. "A" is the one that is strong. Even when he heard what the doctor said and me crying all the time, he reminded me that it is already a blessing to have been given Mathias. That he would take whatever God gave him. He would love and care for Mathias still. I thank God that I have such a good husband.

I'm not saying that I want to change the fact that Mathias is my son but just wish that he could have a better life. It hurts and pains me to have to know that he will not be able to do things which every normal kid would do. I do not even know how it will be like. It still hurts now. But I have sorted out my thoughts and feelings. I know that I will love Mathias no matter what. I love him so much. It is a blessing to just see him every day. I will try not to think too much but just see what happens first then decide how best to help him. I will not imagine horrible scenerios. I will focus on the now. That way I won't scare myself and turn depressive. I will take one step at a time.

It hurts me to think that my son would not be able to do so many things many of us take for granted. It hurts me to think about what would happen to him should I die. These are just some of my anxieties. Its not that I don't want him as my son or regret having him. I don't. Its just that to have to see him not being able to do the simple things like sitting up by himself, not being able to crawl, roll, grab toys hurt like mad. They may seem trivial but you will never know the pain unless you have a child yourself. Sob sob. But I know I have to be strong for him. No matter what happens he will always have parents who love him very very much. He will know love and encouragement from us always. Looking back, I am happy to have had him. No matter what, it was a blessing from God.

agnst

2009-01-08T12:56:00.003+08:00

I can't help but feel a little down. I know I should trust the Lord and know that He will make things right. But seeing him like that and seeing other babies doing things which he is supposed to be doing makes me feel helpless. Doc's call it floppy baby syndrome. Baby has low muscle tone, therefore he will need help with learning to do things like flipping, lifting his head up and lifting himself up on his elbows. He will be going for his MRI scan on this coming Monday. I am seriously worried. The doc has not even gotten back to me with regards to his blood and urine tests. What is the problem and what kinda occupational therapy can we do to help him. I am pissed with the doc as he was supposed to get back to me regarding the results before we see if there is a need to do the MRI scan but of course our dear doc has gone on a week's leave. of all times, it has to be now. I am seriously disappointed in the doctors at KK hospital. From the time Mathias was born till now, they have proved to be very irresponsible. I am thinking of getting another doctor to see Mathias. Will be talking to his GP here soon and see if he has any good recommendations. I am sick of the ones in KK. I feel so out of control as they are not giving me the needed information and options.

I feel very upset. I try not to let it show too much but its on my mind all the time. I wonder what went wrong. Although from what I have read online its hard to find the cause. He will slowly improve but it will take time. He won't be as fast as the other babies. It hurts me to see him like this and having to do all the tests. Painful for the mama to see.

I do not regret having him though. Although it has been difficult, I still feel blessed to have given birth to Mathias. I love him so much. I know I am a little overprotective of him but I can't help it as he is already put through so much since birth. Most of the nonsense the doctors said he had had been cleared and he ain't having them. He is fine. Just that seeing him being checked and probed non stop is wearing on me. So I tend to want to keep him safe and healthy. Because of this I get into a tug of war with "A" parents. But at the end of the day, I always say its the mama's perogative to state how I want my child to be cared. They had their chance already. This is my baby and this is how I want him to be raised. It gets to me too but I will have to grit my teeth till the day I move to my new place. "A" has been a great source of strength and support too. Without him I would not be able to take it. So I count my blessings in finding a good husband. He supports and stands by me and the decisions I make. I feel lucky in that sense as not all husbands will choose to stand by their wives. But that is important in a marriage. I know that sometimes when he chooses to stand by me or listens to my gripe about his parents, I put him under a lot of stress. I'm sorry "A". I try harder not to gripe too much or make it too difficult for him. But I sometimes forget as I get very emotional. And yes, his family is super different from mine. They are very chinese and ......how shall I put it.........tend to use old methods which I do not subscribe to. Not that it might not work but I rather do it slightly differently.

Example: I chose to wait till Mathias turned 6mth to start him on cereal, but his mum wanted to start it at about 3mth. It was practiced in the past but these days, docs and World Health has recommended that starting a baby on cereal after the 6th month is better for the baby.

I started on cereal and she wants to start him on porridge. Which I find is boring for the baby. I give him veg and fruit individually to get him used to the taste. Porridge is not as nutritional and he can't eat that much yet so there's no point.

His dad wants to bring Mathias down everyday for a walk. I rather he did not do it everyday as it creates an expectation of the child that come rain or shine, he will wanna go out. What if no one has time to bring him down and he creates a big hoo ha just cause of that. Plus I was adamant about his dad not bringing him to the old people's corner as a lot of unsavory characters hang about there smoking and gambling. I do not want to expose Mathias to that and the viruses that can be caught there are unthinkable. They will probably wanna touch Mathias and that can invite so many types of unknown danger to him. He is still so young. I do not want him to be down with some sickness. eg. Pneumococcal disease.

Simple everyday issues are a headache as well. Not closing the milk bottles container. That will invite germs to breed. Not air tight mah. Carrying him all the time. Bad as he is not made to sit up or watching tv while sitting up for prolonged hours when conducive things like reading to the baby will be more beneficial. Dad not washing his hands and touching baby makes me want to scream the most. WHY? He goes out all the time and who knows what he has been touching outside. Washing hands before touching him is a sore topic and no coming near the baby at night after he is drunk was another issue. I make it easier by bringing Mathias into my room by the time he comes home. Faint.

These are the more usual happenings. There are others but lets not even go into them. Heeez.

Yes, I may seem irritating but I can't ignore them. These are relevant issues as they effect baby's health. I am a little nutty I guess but when you become a mother, you might understand a little more. ;-)

Anyways, will end here.

more pics

2008-11-24T14:48:00.007+08:00

This is one of my favourites....round n cute....

plus he is smiling.

Him on the bed while mummy's trying to read. Yes, the hair is uber short now. I keep asking "A" if he enjoys going to bed with another guy. Muahahahaha.....

He seems to have many pics of him crying. Boo hoo hoo.....cry baby.

Going out once more. Happy happy. He loves to go out. He knows once he is in his car seat that we are heading out and he gets super chuckly.

pics

2008-11-24T11:17:00.005+08:00

More pics of him ......sleeping as usual. So cutsie...

Look at the chicken thigh!! Drumstick lookalike.

Sleeping with abandonement.

Whose little cutie toes.... I seriously have a foot fetish. Look at his grapie toes.....heez..

Sitting up on the sofa...tough feat for him still.

some thoughts

2008-11-21T13:45:00.006+08:00

If anyone is wondering why there doesn't seem to be any interesting posts on this page is cause I can't find the time nor energy to blog. I can hardly hear myself think sometimes. So don't expect any interesting conversation topics. Baby Mathias is more important now which means I hardly come online to look see look see. Even if I wanna jot down something, I don't have the time. Ahahahaha.....

Naturally there are tons of things I am thinking about and such. About the entire journey. From being a single to being a mother. How I found the pregnancy stage, the giving birth stage, the confinement month, the everyday handling of baby. Each has its difficulty and each has its own little haven of paradise. Whichever I am feeling at watever point are memories for me to keep and relive in the future. Its been good and I am happy so far. Of course that doesn't mean that I do not experience bad days. I do but the good days outnumber the bad ones I suppose and Mathias really is a bundle of joy. ;-)

He is lying behind me as I type this post. Looking at his raised left hand and making little sounds. He might be a left hander as he really seems to be favouring that hand compared to his right hand. There is a possibility as my uncle and grandma are both left handers...will see yeah. He loves talking non stop especially when after his milk. He becomes super talkative. Heheheh......

Will have to end off soon as I need to go exercise his little neck and I hear him making unhappy noises too....

Some pics before I go.......

yes, that hand brace is useless. Anyways there's nothing wrong with his thumb. He is fine so says the Padietrician. Dumbass Physio. He hates the brace and it doesn't keep his thumb in place so there..... I just kept pushing his thumb out till its fine now. Crampy in my tummy la like I always say.

Sleeping so sweetly.......

Lying him on his front to shape his head and stretch his neck.

Someone is poo pooing.........Look at the concentration on his face...hehe.....

Dada and baby lying side by side. He is being anal la....hehe...... disturbing his sonny boy.

Someone dirtied his shirt.. while poo pooing ....don't ask me how.......by lifting his legs while pooing and peeing.......watever........ a naked Mathias....hehe...Look at his little tummy...wahahahaha.......

update

2008-11-19T14:53:00.003+08:00

Its been a long while since I last posted online. Been busy with Mathias and playing my PSP. He is growing well. Over 7 kg already. Got sick a couple of weeks ago too. First was vomiting then the running nose. All's good now. Just some leftover phlegm. He is so cute. Am enjoying my time with him although it can get pretty tiring. Especially when he gets sick. I'll have to sit up almost all night with him as he would have trouble sleeping. ;-) Something every parent have to do.

He is already in his 4th month. Things are falling into a similar pattern each day. Getting used to it.

Oh for those of you who wonder, yes I am not working already. I want to be here full time for Mathias. The years are going to fly by before I know it so therefore I wanna make full use of the time to bond with him and give him my undivided attention. Being here with him is more important as most children with a parent at home with them tend to be better behaved and smarter too. Hehe....

Anyways, will post up his pictures soon. ;-)

Baby's bath time

2008-09-08T12:22:00.004+08:00

Video of Baby from birth

2008-08-27T15:36:00.005+08:00

Updates

2008-08-19T13:10:00.013+08:00

More updates on the little one. ;-)

Everyday with him is another day of smiles. He is just so cute. Yes, its tiring but its worth it. Seeing him grow bigger and stronger each day is a miracle. Got him another new bed. The playpen has been shifted to the hall and he is now sleeping in this bed. He only sleeps in it in the night. He doesn't like to sleep in it during the day. He prefers his little Lucky Baby rocker. Mosquito netting above the bed in case he gets bitten. Due to lift upgrading, there seems to be mosquitos flying around.

The little chickydee sleeping in the playpen in the hall. So cutey.

Changing his soiled clothing. Someone regurgitated on himself. Looking unhappy at being stripped.

Bun bun wanting to lie in the bed with little chickydee.

His favourite seat.

Borrowed this olden day rocker to shape his head. Its a bit flat so no choice. He hates it though. Hehe.

In the car again. On the way over to my aunty's for the weekend. Looking a tad unhappy.

Trying to cut his nails. His little hands are so small. So scary to cut it. I cut into his skin the other time. So am extra careful this time.

The naughty ones. Lying on our bed.

Watching him sleep in his rocker.

In Sushi Tei at East Coast Park.

More pics of chickydee

2008-08-07T19:56:00.010+08:00

More pictures of the little chickydee. I like to call him that. ;-) Hehehe Look at the many many expressions he have.

After milk. Sleep until so shiok. One hand up and one leg up as well.

His dada put his milk cloth on his head.

A present from his grand aunty.

Looking like an ang moh baby more and more. And we just noticed that his eyes are not brown as we thought earlier. Its grey. Like my grand dad. The vietnamese blood is going strong. Hehe....

My dad feeding little chickydee. First feed. Look at Chickydee looking at my dad. Must be wondering who is this person. Hahaha....

The kids wanting to be a part of it. They are fascinated with the little one. ;-P

In the carseat. Soooo cutes. Ang moh looking right???

Dada feeding him again. ;-) He is a good dad. Very hands on. Knows how to change chickydee's pampers and feed him. Even carries him when he makes a fuss while mama concuss on the bed from fatigue.

Chickydee's most hated thing in the mornings. Bath time. ;-o Look at his unhappy face. Turning into a lobster.

Daily pics

2008-08-03T15:48:00.011+08:00

Daily pictures of Little Mathias. ;-) He is the cutest!!!!

Sleeping peacefully. Look at his pinky cheeks.

Hungry hungry.

The dada sleeping when everyone's busy with the baby. He is sleeping in his brother's room cause the confinement lady was sleeping in my room.

Another picture of him sleeping. He loves to frown.

Umbilical cord dropping off in the 2nd week.

Angry that I am taking his temperature. ;-)

Little sweetie pie in his bed.

Someone dozing while carrying him.

Don't like him in pink. Bleah.

Boo Hoo Hoo......

Bun bun and nut nut.

Someone's birthday. ;-) Couldn't do anything more for him as I was in confinement.

Another cake from his brother the next day.

"A" birthday present this year. Little Mathias. Hehehe.....

1st month celebration

2008-07-27T21:46:00.003+08:00

Had Baby Mathias's 1 month celebration today. It was a rowdy affair. So many people and the noise level was horrendous. :-)

Received many pressies even after telling them all not to buy any. Hehehe..... trying to find space to keep all of them. Little baby is sleeping in the room while I type this. Dada has gone to work. Poor thing. I will also work later. Feed baby through the night. Hahaha......

Am feeling much happier already. Luckily not hit by the bad case of post natal blues. Was just a little bit depressed thats all. Am happy again. "A" sneaked me out for a movie last Monday. Felt so much better after the outing and Batman was awesome. Going back to my house tomorrow evening. ;-)

Tues would see me going to the polyclinic with baby then its to the hairdresser's. Can't wait. Happy happy. After that its Sushi Tei with the girls. Looking forward to sashimi. Yum yum.....

All in all I am good once more.

Annoying

2008-07-11T08:50:00.003+08:00

Things are getting better and more stable. But it wasn't like this in the beginning. Let me recount what happened while at KK. That same day after delivery. In the middle of the night at about3 am the nurses in the nursery saw that Mathias seemed to be having difficulties in breathing. So she called for the doctor. Doctor came and decided to send him down to the Special Care Nursery to be doubly sure. They can monitor the heartbeat, air intake and blah blah blah with a special monitor. Plus there are more experienced nurses there as well.

They said that they came by to see me cause the doctor wanted to tell me the news personally but I was sleeping. Obviously I was since I hardly slept for the past few days and I just delivered. Duh!! Anyways, he decided to NOT wake me up. Cause he was worried that I would not be able to sleep at all after that so they left me alone. The doctor told the nurses that he would tell me the news personally so they didn't have to do it.

I woke up not knowing that my baby was no longer in the nursery. I went over at 8.30am wanting to push him to my room but was told by the nurse on duty that he was having his milk. That's after telling them my room number and NAME!!!! I am dam pissed. You will know why later. Anyways, I went back to wait as she said that they will send him over once he is done. And she promised to teach me how to breast feed him properly as I mentioned that I haven't started producing milk yet at that point.

So wait wait..... come 9plus, "A" and his mother arrives, we decide to go over to see if he is done already. Got there and was told that the doctor is making his rounds so babies have to stay in. Ok lor. Wait somemore. 10 plus after attending the demonstration on how to bath baby I popped over again. Told the same thing. Doctor still doing rounds. Dam long hor.

No choice, went back to my room to wait. That's when someone from the admissions department came to look for us asking us when our baby was sent to the Special Care Nursery. We went like WHAT??? No, our baby is in the nursery. He was never in the Special Care Nursery not even just after birth. She gave us a confused look and we we confused too. She said never mind, she will go find out. At this point my husband decided to go check again. AND thats when we found out that my baby is not in the NURSERY!!!!! Wat the.......

I started to get upset and anxious. How not to. My baby leh. "A" started getting really agitated. Told the nurse that we wanted to speak with the relevant parties. So in the end, the nurse manager came to my room. She mentioned that the doctor was on his way up. But then she started to say things like, calm down, I got something to tell you at the same time patting me. Ok, lets pause here. When someone does that to you, you can only think of bad things happening or have happened. Wrong tactic. The mama started to panic as in really panic. Here I am unsure of what is happening to my baby and how is he faring and someone doing that to me......I obviously started boo hooing....

They couldn't give me anything conclusive and how is baby now causing even more distress for me. Even my mother in law started crying too. Eventually the doctor came and apologized. He said that he wanted to let me know personally but he was called to attend to another emergency hence the LATE LATE delay. Again wat the........

In the end we went down to see what is happening to my baby and found that he was in the x-ray room. Gotta wait. I tell you. It felt dam long and I was starting to feel depressed. So worried about my little boy. Prayed like mad then.

After much fan fare, I managed to see him and ensure that he is ok. But according to KK they wanted to rule out any issue so they want all the experts and consultants to see him. Example the heart, bone, genetic specialist. Plastic surgeon, speech theraphy blah blah blah as they found that his wrist and feet seem to be clenched tightly. Just to rule out any other issue la so they said. Therefore they kept my baby in the hospital for 5 days. I left after 2 although I was supposed to leave after 1 day. My doctor Han said that its ok for me to stay another day in this case and he knew I was anxious.

Baby's doing well now. Am so pissed with KK. Everyday that we went down, no one could give us a conclusive answer. Consultant not down yet. Dunno the results. Dunno when baby can be released. Don't they know the mama is going mad with worry while they sit on their asses. Mama can't leave the house. Confinement month la. I went one of the evenings and I started sneezing immediately after that. So was confined after that. Haha....actually not supposed to leave the house. I have to cover up every inch of skin and use a scarf to cover my head. Cannot expose myself to the wind.

I am just happy to say that baby is ok now. His wrist and feet have a little cramping up. Its very mild. Needs a little Physio. Think he was very cramped in mama's tummy. He is very long. Arms and legs are long so maybe no space for him to stretch and he got so used to it. Anyways, his wrist look better already. Almost usual. He keeps keeping his legs though. I keep telling him that he can stretch. That he is not in mama's tummy anymore. ;-)

Oh but he is so cute. The little cutie. ;-)

Ok enough for now. Restie the eyes. Will post more again.

Pictures of "D Day"

2008-07-10T15:48:00.037+08:00

Here I am just before admitting myself into KK's delivery ward. It is now 8plus in the morning. Looking nice and happy still yah.

Dada looking all excited and energetic. ;-)

Anyways, we know it was still not time to deliver yah from my previous entry. Went back home to wait somemore as its only 2cm dilated. Hehe.....

This is another picture of me in the night. This was about 12 midnight. Don't look too good already right. In a lot of PAIN!!!!!! Breathing breathing. Pain coming in spurts of 3 or 5 mins apart. Faint!

The girls having a good laugh at my expense. Wat the .............See me concentrating. And they enjoying themselves. Bleah!

In the suite now, seriously painful. Contractions coming very close together. Pain until.........

Even bun bun is no comfort.

Looking happy again after the epidural. Dun feel much of anything by now. Hence the happy smile hor. Chocolates from the girls. Hehe..... Liqeur chocolates. Yummy. Haven't eaten them yet. Will do so soon.

"A" pass!!!

My urine bag. Since I am not allowed to get off the bed as I am belted up I get this instead.

My epidural bag.

A hungry mama. Trying to eat the bao! No food at all ok. Just a drip all night long. No water too just some ice chips.

The other forms of pain relief. Gas and injection.

I am hooked onto this machine to monitor me and the baby. My contractions and baby's heart beat. That's the belt at my tummy for.

Look at the time. Sigh....... Still no sign of action. And I was only 5 cm dilated.

Dozing on and off.

Its a waiting game. Look at the many tubes I am attached to.

Getting there...... Slowly dilating to 9cm.

See the poor little bun bun in the corner. Hehe...delivering soon......

My delivery room. 29....on the 29 July.... and I am 29 yrs old. My doctor and nurse who is looking after me. ;-)

One and only picture of my pushing. "A" was in shock I think cause he didn't take much photos between now till after the baby came out. Hehe...... Anyways, it was pretty fast.

Time of baby's birth!!!

Here's the little bundle of joy.

My placenta. ;-D

Baby's first injection.

Isn't Mathias cute!!!

My epidural tube.

Me looking like death warmed over. Vomiting many many times. Dun look good yeps.

Entry of the delivery suite.

Mama and baby Mathias.

The mad people!

Sweetie sleeping.

Someone trying to be maternal. Hehehe....

The family arriving to see the bundle of joy.

Pnut and bun bun fainting from the smell....hehe...... Will post some more photos soon. Can't stay at the comp for too long. Bad for the eyes. ;-) Will post about what happened at KK too. They made baby stay in the hospital for 5 days before they released him. Poor mama, so traumatised....suck....

The act of pushing

2008-07-03T11:52:00.002+08:00

ok...now where did I leave off...... hmmm...oh yes, the pain went on and on till about evening when it got even more intense. By then, it was coming at 3 and 5 mins apart. And the pain was getting even more and more intense. By 11plus, I decided that we should start heading to the hospital. So off we went again. The pain was so bad I was cringing each time it came. But remember, 3 or 5 mins is not much time to recuperate before the next one comes along. Faint faint. Got into the delivery ward. They called my doctor and checked to see how much I was dilated. I was only guess wat?? 4 cm dilated. Someone kill me please. Time to decide what to do? Gas mask? Leg injection? or Epidural? These are the options available to help with the pain. Looking at my situation and already not able to tahan anymore, I opted for the epidural. Why u ask? Let me explain. The gas mask only helps 20% of the pain. Leg injection also dependin on the person might last 30 mins or 3 to 4 hours. I opted for the epidural which I was most adamant about not using cause after a whole day of contraction I was at 4cm only. Which means an improvement of 2cm all day long. Faint. I still had 6cm to go ok.

Reason being that, I took the dreaded thing. "Jea" had a good laugh about it. Cause she knew I was adamant about not taking any pain relief. Sigh...... It really was a relief. Immediate some more. But the effects of the injection came immediately. I felt itchy all over. One of the signs. Some people have it, some don't. It depends. But I was feeling comfortable at last. This peaceful time lasted all the way till morning. At 7.30am they came and checked to see how much I had dilated. Guess what? I dilated to 5cm only. 5cm ONLY OK!!!! Whole night and 1cm improvement. What the!!!!

Lucky I took the epidural. Damn. But then a weird thing happened. At 8 plus the nurse checked me again and realised that I was now 9cm dilated. Whoa what a big change. No wonder I felt like something is pushing to come out. So we started getting ready for the final show. By 9 I was fully dilated and we started pushing. My baby was out at 9.14am. Miracle!!!!!!

I was mostly in shock and awe and yes the dreaded after effects of the epidural. This was why I didn't wanna take it. Bad. I started vomiting just before I gave birth and another 10 times after. Non stop ok. I felt so hung over. Dizzy and nauseaous. Just like after many many shots of tequila. Gross. Dam gross ok. Remember that I had no food all night. Where did so much water come from. No water too. I was on a drip only.

But anyway, I am still happy. Cause my baby is out already. He is soooo cute. Love him so much. Yeps. Oh, another side effect was the fever after that too....sigh...... lucky they went away after a few hours. ;-)

The real thing

2008-06-28T17:44:00.002+08:00

It has started. I woke to a slight pain on the left of my uterus. Didn't know what was causing it so I went back to sleep. Woke up again at 8plus and found fresh bleeding. Was a little worried so we gave my doctor a call to check if there is a need to get into hospital as it was most probably the show. He said to come in only if the pain is unbearable. But at that point I was not getting any contractions or pain. So we decided to go on with our plans for the day. Had to go down to HDB to sign our lease for our flat and anyways we were heading down to Chinatown for dim sum at Hong Xin. All was normal.

Next the mucus plug started to make its appearance. This happened in the afternoon. So I guess we were on the right track. Had an appointment with my doctor in the evening so we went down to see what he would do next. He checked and found that I was half to a centremetre dilated. But at that point I still didn't feel any pain. ???? He decided to put me on a heart tracer to see if baby was ok. If he was ok, we would induce on Sunday if not we could induce now. Turns out I was having mild contractions and pain but non that I could feel. Baby was going strong so my doctor decided that we could wait till Sunday unless I started getting serious contractions.

Went home. Went to bed as per normal but woke at 4plus in the morning to contractions. I timed them and realised that they came in 5 or 10 mins interval. Pretty ok contractions. Decided to cook something to eat and took a bath in case I needed to go down to the hospital. "A" mum woke up too and said I should go soon in case it gets bad fast. So once more we headed to the hospital. This time we headed directly for the delivery ward. They decided to check my progress and found that I was 2cm dilated and getting pretty consistent contractions. Went down to speak to my doctor. He asked if I wanted to ward myself now and wait for my dilation to reach 3cm before he breaks my waterbag or would I prefer to go home and wait. I decided to go home as I thought it would be more comfortable.

Man this was getting tiring.... Got home and took a nap but didn't manage to sleep that well as the contractions started getting stronger but still 5 or 10 mins apart. Still the same till now. Am still waiting......

I guess if it doesn't get any stronger and 2 mins interval between each contraction I would only go in at 9am as advised by my doctor tomorrow. Then I guess he will induce me bah. Was hoping to avoid that. Wanted it to be as natural as possible. But I must say this contstant pain is really getting to me. Its getting stronger slowly so yea....hope I can rest a little later. Need all the strength I can get for the 2nd part of labour after it has dilated till 10cm. Pushing will take another 1 or 2 hours depending on how well I push. Help me!!!!

False alarm

2008-06-20T11:21:00.002+08:00

Getting closer and closer to the delivery date. Getting all excited and worried at the same time. On Wednesday evening, I started getting some pretty regular labour cramps. At first I thought they were just normal Braxton Hicks. But then it felt quite intense. Something like menses cramps with backache. A few came every half hour then after that a little irregular. Was pretty worried that it was the starting of my baby's birth. He is early la if thats the case. Told myself that I needed to sleep if this was the real thing so off I went to bed. For the rest of the night, there was a constant pain or cramp. But nothing happened at all. As in the pain did not get progressively stronger but it was quite horrible sleeping with the pain the whole night. Was feeling much worn out by morning. So when I woke up I had a good talk with baby Matthias. Told him that he must wait for dada's birthday to come out. That way, they can both celebrate their birthdays together. So yeah. Everything is normal right now. No cramping. Thank God!!

All's ready for him though should he be early. ;-) Getting myself prepped up too. Been reading this book called Adventures of normal birthing. Its good cause it contains lots of stories of women's past experiences or their personal experiences of giving birth naturally. Which means without any form of pain killers. No epidural, no ceasearian. Mentally prepared that its gonna be very painful. But I believe I can do this. Poor "A". Its gonna be tough on him though. Think he will have bruised hands and arms after the event. Hahaha......

2008-05-08T12:19:00.001+08:00

Its been hot and hot. Feeling so lazy. So do not want to blog. Heez......

I guess there won't be much of updating for some time till I feel more up to it.
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Food poisoning

2008-04-29T18:48:00.002+08:00

Had a good dinner last night at Majestic Restaurant located at New Majestic Hotel. Food was terrific. Went there for dinner to celebrate Jea's birthday. ;-) But I think the prawn was spoilt. Not the wasabi prawns but the big prawn that came in my set meal. Woke up at 2plus in the morning cause I was feeling very queasy. At first I thought that I was hungry but I quickly dismissed the idea as the nausea was quite bad. Headed for the kitchen to sit and wait in case I needed to puke, I was near the toilet. Within minutes, I puked my guts out. Mmmm... I must say its horrible to puke that badly when I am so advanced in my pregnancy. The horrendous pressure. Poor baby Mathias. My eyes were all puffy. But at least I was feeling better. Lucky for me, everything came out at the first puke. Was able to head back to rest after that. "A" was worried and asked if I wanted to see a doc. But since it was only once, its safe I reckon. Not too much water loss from body. So told him not to bother going to a doc. Lucky la.... food poisoning sucks. ;-(

Little Mathias spent the remainder of the night doing somersaults in my tummy. Think he was affected hence no sleep for him. I caught a few winks myself but woke with a very sore throat. Has subsided much now. Heez..... Remind myself to be more observant with what I eat. I roughly knew the prawns were not fresh. Shouldn't have eaten it. Bleah.... Lesson learnt the hard way. Hehe....

Food lovers take note!

2008-04-28T16:09:00.001+08:00

Ms. Bimbo

2008-04-21T12:53:00.003+08:00

Been playing Ms. Bimbo. Its a virtual game. Addicted.........please visit the site if brainless like me. ;-)

http://www.missbimbo.com/

been bloating up...... think its water retention big time. Actually the bloat is in my hands. A little on my feet. My hands are painful and crickety. Like old woman like that. Probably water sitting on my bones. Overall everything is ok. Doc says all's good for now. He is growing. I can feel him doing somersaults in my tummy..... Some days I am worried about the size of my tummy. It looks a little small...but doc assures me that baby is the right size. So weird, why then is my tummy so tiny???

Had another weird nightmare this morning. Dreamt I gave birth to baby. Scaryyy!!! Gross. Heezzzz, will the nightmares never cease. Been having sweet cravings. After so many months of avoiding cakes, now I feel like eating them big time. It gets weirder and weirder....

Anyways, I will post again soon. Got tons of pics to post. Just not inclined to.

Overdue

2008-03-20T12:17:00.046+08:00

Ok ok I know, I took so long to blog about my fantastic weekend. :-) Was lazy lah ok. Hehe... Was a little disturbed by Gloria being smacked by my dad too so didn't feel like blogging. Yah, the 100dot minus me are heading up to Redang tonight. I can't go cause the ride up is way too long and I need the loo pretty often. Shitty. Anyways, hope you all have a good time up there.

Back to the wonderful weekend in Sentosa. First I would like to say THANK YOU gals! It was a memorable weekend. Enjoyed every minute of it. ;-D

Here we are at the Express station in Vivo City. Our lugguage sitting on the platform. Its actually quite a lot of luggage for a short weekend but I didn't know they brought stuff along for a surprise. And surprised I was. Thanks for lugging the heavy bags just for the surprise.

Treasure Resort!!! The corridor to our rooms.

Didn't take much pictures of the hotel room. But here are a few.

The 2 cuties. Yes yes, I lugged them along too. I needed peanut for stomach support and bun bun is there for the usual cuddly hug.

Can you believe it. After getting into the room, we sat there engrossed in the blasted television.

Here's the cuties again. Peanut doing the usual, do not disturb me while I sleep. Hehe... Poor bun bun, got nobody to talk to. ;-(

They both took over my bed while I was out. "Jx" took a pic of our balcony too. Or the cross section of all the balconies.

After rotting for a while, we headed over to Vivo again. Had tea at Corduroy. Do not ask what am I doing, cause I dunno. Do you see the tummy bulge?

We had cakes and drinks. Yum yum....

After that, we went into their sweet shop and I couldn't resist getting a cotton candy. Wasn't well done though. So it was quite stiff and not fluffy enough. But happy nonetheless.

Scenic view outside. You can see Sentosa and Star Virgo in the background.

After walking abit more, we decided to go for dinner. Yes, I know, we are such pigs. Hehe.... We went for Mala steamboat. Yummy!!!! Looks good right? Feel like eating it again. Looking at the pictures make me feel hungry.

The next day, we had breakfast at the hotel. After that we went upstairs to play THIS! I didn't, was too engrossed watching "The World Trade Centre" on HBO. Hehe...Gross right. We are on a sunny island and what do we do? We coop ourselves up in our hotel room doing nonsense....Wahahahaha......

"Joa" Baby Bear was kidnapped by me and bun bun. We decided we needed to teach it a lesson for what he did to my little bunny a year back. Hehe......(snigger snigger)

Here's bun bun giving him a piece of her mind. This is why she HATES bears!

We stuffed him in the hotel safe. Hahahaha.... Dark and enclosed. Scary.... He was badly traumatised by it. Serves it right for violating my little bun bun last year. The poor little dear.

"Joa" was wondering what happened to her bear. Me and "Jx" played dumb. Huh??? I dunno where you put your bear???

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha..................

After that nonsense, we headed over to Harbour Front. We had Sakae Sushi fo lunch and waited for "Joa" parents to come pass her a cable for her camera. That was part of the surprise but she forgot to bring the cable along. Hehe.. Headed back to the hotel after that for a while before heading over to Cafe Del Mar. Had some finger food and drinks. ;-) It feels like a day time Club. Goodness, they were blasting music so loudly. Hehe.....

We headed for Subway to pack back Sandwiches after we finished at Cafe Del Mar. Spent the rest of the evening doing up the surprise scrapbook of our weekend. "Joa" brought the portable printer to print all the pictures we had taken over the weekend. ;-) I took pictures of the scrapbook. I placed them at the end. So tired out cause we stayed up till late to complete the entire book. Slept in the next day cause I just could't get up. Skipped breakfast. But had lunch at Sushi Tei. Yummy yummy. Heading back today already. So tired out...I had the salad although I was not supposed to eat raw food. But it looked fresh enough. Couldn't help myself too. ;-)

The Cha Soba was good too. Delicious!

Look at the gremlin eating....

Do you see a lump of shit? Hahaha..."Jx" noodles.....

Below are the pictures taken of my scrapbook.

So cute right? Hehehe....

And below was taken the very next day. Someone sleeping before work. Three little pigs.

And here's the picture of Gloria after what my dad did to her. "Jea", can you imagine, this happened to me very often when I was younger. I was so upset with my dad that night. I still cannot understand how he could strike the kids. Poor girl. Her lips were swollen and her entire left face was blue and black. I used an ice compress to help with the swelling. So pissed off with my dad. Just for a tiny little thing. She tore her notebook and told him a lie when he asked why and who tore it. Is that a good reason to smack your child so badly. You can always hit the legs or hands but not the head and face.And is there a need to wack her so badly? I was super annoyed on Tues when I went home to see this. Dammit. Super lousy mood for two days. Just looking at her pains me.

Somedays I wish I could do more. But I can't. And its his perogative. He is the dad. I wonder if he understands that by doin this, he is creating another me and my sis. Huge gap between us that can never be breached. Hating him for what he did. If it was not for God, I wouldn't have been able to forgive him for what he did to us back then. Sigh. I vow never to treat my child in this manner. My little baby is precious. My goodness.

Coated snacks in JB

2008-03-18T12:42:00.000+08:00

An Inspiring Story

2008-03-18T12:32:00.003+08:00

I sat, with two friends, in the picture window of a quaint restaurant
just off the corner of the town-square. The food and the company were both
especially good that day. As we talked, my attention was drawn outside,
across the street. There, walking into town, was a man who appeared to be
carrying all his worldly goods on his back. He was carrying, a well-worn
sign that read, 'I will work for food.' My heart sank. I brought him to
the attention of my friends and noticed that others around us had stopped
eating to focus on him. Heads moved in a mixture of sadness and
disbelief.

We continued with our meal, but his image lingered in my mind. We
finished our meal and went our separate ways. I had errands to do and
quickly set out to accomplish them. I glanced toward the town square,
looking somewhat halfheartedly for the strange visitor. I was fearful,
knowing that seeing him again would call some response. I drove through
town and saw nothing of him. I made some purchases at a store and got
back in my car.

Deep within me, the Spirit of God kept speaking to me: 'Don't go back to
the office until you've at least driven once more around the square.'
Then with some hesitancy, I headed back into town. As I turned the
square's third corner, I saw him. He was standing on the steps of the
store front church, going through his sack. I stopped and looked; feeling
both compelled to speak to him, yet wanting to drive on. The empty
parking space on the corner seemed to be a sign from God: an invitation to park.

I pulled in, got out and approached the town's newest visitor.
'Looking for the pastor?' I asked.
'Not really,' he replied, 'just resting.'
'Have you eaten today?'
'Oh, I ate something early this morning.'
'Would you like to have lunch with me?'
'Do you have some work I could do for you?'
'No work,' I replied. 'I commute here to work from the city, but I would
like to take you to lunch.'
'Sure,' he replied with a smile.

As he began to gather his things, I asked some surface questions. 'Where
you headed?' ' St. Louis .'
'Where you from?' 'Oh, all over; mostly Florida .'
'How long you been walking?' 'Fourteen years,' came the reply.

I knew I had met someone unusual. We sat across from each other in the
same restaurant I had left earlier. His face was weathered slightly
beyond his 38 years. His eyes were dark yet clear, and he spoke with an
eloquence and articulation that was startling. He removed his jacket to reveal a
bright red T-shirt that said, 'Jesus is The Never Ending Story.'

Then Daniel's story began to unfold. He had seen rough times early in
life. He'd made some wrong choices and reaped the consequences. Fourteen
years earlier, while backpacking across the country, he had stopped on
the beach in Daytona. He tried to hire on with some men who were putting up a
large tent and some equipment. A concert, he thought. He was hired, but
the tent would not house a concert but
revival services, and in those services he saw life more clearly.

He gave his life over to God 'Nothing's been the same since,' he said, 'I
felt the Lord telling me to keep walking, and so I did, some 14 years
now.'

'Ever think of stopping?' I asked.
'Oh, once in a while, when it seems to get the best of me
But God has given me this calling. I give out Bibles . That's what's in
my sack. I work to buy food and Bibles, and I give them out when His Spirit
leads.'

I sat amazed. My homeless friend was not homeless. He was on a mission
and lived this way by choice. The question burned inside for a moment and
then I asked: 'What's it like?'

'What?'
'To walk into a town carrying all your things on your back and to show
your sign?'
'Oh, it was humiliating at first. People would stare and make comments.
Once someone tossed a piece of half-eaten bread and made a gesture that
certainly didn't make me feel welcome. But then it became humbling to
realize that God was using me to touch lives and change people's concepts
of other folks like me.'

My concept was changing, too. We finished our dessert and gathered his
things. Just outside the door, he paused. He turned to me and said, 'Come
Ye blessed of my Father and inherit the kingdom I've prepared for you.
For when I was hungry you gave me food, when I was thirsty you gave me drink,
a stranger and you took me in.'

I felt as if we were on holy ground. 'Could you use another Bible?' I
asked. He said he preferred a certain translation. It travelled
well and was not too heavy. It was also his personal favorite.

'I've read through it 14 times,' he said.
'I'm not sure we've got one of those, but let's stop by our church and
see' I was able to find my new friend a Bible that would do well, and he
seemed very grateful.

'Where are you headed from here?' I asked.
'Well, I found this little map on the back of this amusement park
coupon.'
'Are you hoping to hire on there for awhile?'
'No, I just figure I should go there. I figure someone under that star
right there needs a Bible, so that's where I'm going next.'

He smiled, and the warmth of his spirit radiated the sincerity of his
mission. I drove him back to the town-square where we'd met two hours
earlier, and as we drove, it started raining.

We parked and unloaded his things.
'Would you sign my autograph book?' he asked. 'I like to keep messages
from folks I meet.'

I wrote in his little book that his commitment to his calling had touched
my life. I encouraged him to stay strong. And I left him with a verse of
scripture from Jeremiah, 'I know the plans I have for you, declared the
Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you; Plans to give you a
future and a hope.'

'Thanks, man,' he said. 'I know we just met and we're really just
strangers, but I love you.'
'I know,' I said, 'I love you, too.' 'The Lord is good!'
'Yes, He is. How long has it been since someone hugged
you?' I asked. A long time,' he replied.

And so on the busy street corner in the drizzling rain, my new friend and
I embraced, and I felt deep inside that I had been changed. He put his
things on his back, smiled his winning smile and said, 'See you in the
New Jerusalem.'
'I'll be there!' was my reply.

He began his journey again. He headed away with his sign dangling from
his bedroll and pack of Bibles. He stopped, turned and said, 'When you see
something that makes you think of me, will you pray for me?' 'You bet,' I
shouted back, 'God bless.'
'God bless.' And that was the last I saw of him.

Late that evening as I left my office, the wind blew strong. The cold
front had settled hard upon the town. I bundled up and hurried to my car.
As I sat back and reached for the emergency brake, I saw them... a pair
of well-worn brown work gloves neatly laid over the length of the handle. I
picked them up and thought of my friend and wondered if his hands would
stay warm that night without them.

Then I remembered his words: 'If you see something that makes you think
of me, will you pray for me?'

Today his gloves lie on my desk in my office. They help me to see the
world and its people in a new way, and they help me remember those two
hours with my unique friend and to pray for his ministry. 'See you in the
New Jerusalem,' he said. Yes, Daniel, I know I will...

Catch up

2008-03-10T12:45:00.020+08:00

Its going to be a good week. Gonna go for Korean BBQ this wednesday with the girls. Yum Yum! Can't wait. And after that, we will be checking into Treasure Resort on Friday till Sunday at Sentosa. How cool is that. Its my belated hen's party. Er yar, its a little late. Hehe.... But so nice of them to do it cause I kept saying don't need la. Will take lots of pictures and post them. ;-) We will be doing lots of eating, shopping, lazying...blah blah blah...you know how it is. Lazy weekend at a nice hotel. And then in another week plus it will be my birthday once more! Which means more yum yum food with the girls before heading up to KL the day after my birthday with "A". Nice!!!

Soooo excited.......

Ok enough of the good stuff. On the downside, I am feeling a little worried about little stuff like SID (sudden infant death). Was watching tv last night and while watching LA Ink, there was a customer who wanted a tattoo of her child on her arm as he died from SID. So sad. Makes me worried. Cause there are no specific reasons why they happen. I cannot imagine having carried a child to full term and then losing him like that. My goodness. How does someone cope with that. Scary thought. Think I will be terribly paranoid with my child. Waking up many many times through the night to make sure he is ok. I felt super protective after watching the program. Eekkss.... Huggin my tummy to myself. Like that's possible. Hahaha.....

Had another bad dream last night. So many hidden worries. Sigh. Dreamt "A" left me for someone else. Called him once I woke up at 7am just to hear his voice. He was working. Hehe.... Told him about my dream... He knows I keep getting nightmares... He thought I dreamt something happened to him so that's why I called him. ;-) I called to reassure myself that it was just a dream and that there's nothing to it. I wonder if this is a residual of what happened in the past. Losing someone to another person. Is that why I still get dreams like that even though I am super happy and contented now? Anyways, "A" assured me of my fears when he got back that he won't do that. He is sleeping now. Poor thing. Worked through the night. And he has to work again tomorrow. I seriously hope that this thing blows over quick. He is so tired out having to work constantly. Hardly any rest in between.

Anyways, here are pictures taken sometime back when I went to Pulau Ubin. The bunny is so cute. I so wanted to bring it back but.... can't la. No place to keep it. Sigh...its so cute right?

The little boy who stays there.

The wild boar. We fed it sweets and it kept eating it. What a PIG!! And it kept salivating...Yucks!

On another note, we dropped by The V Tea Room sometime back. "Jx" turn to buy us desserts for us buying her birthday dinner. Which I puked out on the way home. What a complete waste of money. Sigh. We went to Ming Jiang and had a super dinner which was wasted on me. Bleah!

Luckily for me, I kept the dessert down. Just couldn't sleep that night cause of the coffee in the teacake. Haha..... But it was really good. Expensive but good. Go if you want somewhere nice to splurge. The ambience is perfect. If you like the Victorian sytle and love drinking tea. They have lovely teacups and teapots. The cutlery is so delicate too. I love it. Here are some of what they serve. Its located at the Esplanade. Super nice!

Here's little bun bun sitting on the nice armchair. Hehe....So cute!

Before that we had gone down to HDB to ballot for our unit. Like I mentioned, we got the unit we wanted but on a slightly lower floor. Here are the specs. Not bad. The flooring and doors given are not bad.

We opted for the wooden doors too. The cost of the doors would be put into the selling price of the unit as well.

And here is the mini structure of what our place would look like after its built.

The layout of the unit itself.

Happy happy! Will be going for a movie tonight with "A". :-)

Tea Ceremony (Groom's side)

2008-03-08T17:17:00.026+08:00

Continuation with the photos.

Here we are at "A" place. His bro opening the door for us.

My poor sister, had to hold on to my skirt the entire time. When she gets married, it will be my turn to service her. Hahaha.....

In our room after entering the house. Gotta wait for everyone to assemble themselves. In the meantime, we get to eat Tang Yuan. Or more like feed each other la.

I dunno what's with our expression. ;-) "A" pretending that its so nice to eat. Wahahaha....

After that, we started the tea ceremony proper. Not that many as only relatives from his dad's side were present. His mum's side is not involved. No idea why though.

Last but not least, his brother also had to serve us tea. So funny.

A picture with the whole family.

The guys and us.

The guys only.

"A" trying to remove my head piece. Someone struggled so badly that "Jx" had to do the honours and then he pretended that he did it for the camera. ;-D

The tea set.

The lamps that had to be kept lighted till they die out themselves.

After changing into my Ao Dai to make my way back home. Picture with the family.

Making our way down.

In the car once more. What's with his Cheese. Such a big cheese.

At my doorsteps once more.

Its a boy!

2008-03-08T14:55:00.003+08:00

I am expecting a little baby boy. I would prefer a girl but well its still a gift from God. Maybe the next one. ;-) I can feel him moving and kicking inside me. It feels weird the first few times but its still an awesome feeling that there's a life inside of me. "A" and I have discussed it and think we would be going for natural birth without the epidural. I am a little worried about the pain and all. But I guess it would be worth it. Every mother has gone through it. I am sure I can take it. Trying to think positive la although I am scared as hell. ;-P

There are worries now and then and nightmares too when "A" comes home and tells me stories from his friends about their wives giving birth. I remember the same night he came home and told me about the labour stretching for over 10 hours. That same night I had a nightmare about myself going into labour. Scary. Here I was not sure of how to control the labour pains with the breathing exercises and the nurse telling me that its not yet time. Super duper scary. I was thinking to myself, my baby is way before time, it can't come out yet. Nooooooo!!!

Other than the worries, I feel excited as the feeling is so new. Being a mum and all. Starting to have some difficulties sleeping cause of the weight on my front. Not very comfortable but what to do. It will get worse. Hehe....

Still crossing my fingers about the short holiday. Might be able to go. ;-)

Oh, and did I mention that we got our flat. Luckily it was the unit we wanted though on a slightly lower floor. 6th floor still ok. Now we just have to wait 5 yrs for it. Hahaha..... Build to order flats sure take a long time. ;-0

Hard Gay

2008-03-04T17:06:00.002+08:00

I have been watching his hilarious escapades on Youtube. Yeah, I know its a little lame and low class but he makes me laugh. Super gross right. Enjoy it. It spurns laughter and that's good right.

He basically goes round Tokyo trying to help people and such. But he adds a touch of amusement to it. I have uploaded a few of the episodes. There's more on Youtube. Go watch if you are bored. Don't take it seriously lah. Its suppose to be funny.

Hard Gay and Ramen shop

Hard Gay and Social Improvement

Hard Gay and Yahoo

Hard Gay and Tomy

Lousy

2008-03-04T16:44:00.002+08:00

Might not be able to go for the holiday afterall. No thanks to the escape of Mas Selamat. Sigh. So Shitty. My last holidays before giving birth and looks like its to be scraped. Boo hoo hoo. No choice in the matter. ;-(

Super depressing. Other than that, I'm feeling ok. Getting real excited about baby. Bun bun is not very happy. Hehe.... When baby comes, I will not have time to play with her. Wahahahaha....

Still a little on the cranky side but overall ok. "A" is a blessing. ;-) Puts up with my super cranky disposition. I try not to. But sometimes, I just can't help it. He is putting in more hours too at work. Sigh. More time to do as I please by myself. Help!!!! Really hope this blows over quick.

Tired

2008-02-25T16:30:00.002+08:00

Not posting any pictures today. Am feeling very tired. Had been feeling tired ever since saturday after my Antenatal class. Yes that's right, Antenatal class. I am pregnant!!! Time to announce I guess. Just realise today that there's tons of things to buy for a new born. Waaa....such a small bundle but uses more things than myself. Hehehe....

Not going to talk much today. Feeling super tired. Whether its a boy or girl, I will announce after the scan. Wait hor. ;-)

Unveiling

2008-02-19T13:38:00.013+08:00

Going for a short holiday with "A" next month. Booked the tickets already. Looking forward to food galore. ;-P

Mmmm....back to the photos. Here's "A" giving me my bouquet. Acting cute as usual. ;-)

Lifting the veil of the bride. Bride is acting shy la hor.

Finally we get to move on.

Here we are serving tea to my parents before we leave the house. If not, it didn't seem right that he snatch the bride without acknowledging the parents first right?

My dad praying over us and giving us blessings before we set off.

One last word of advice: My daughter is now in your hands. Do a good job alright?

Wahahahahaha.....

Picture with my family.

Picture with my Jie mei's.

Leaving my house for his place. Don't we look happy?

Snatching the bride

2008-02-14T21:59:00.016+08:00

The wedding photos finally!!! Will post them up bit by bit as there's way too many. My gowns and makeup were all done by Golden Horse Awards. That's Helen. Should anyone need a good bridal company, I recommend them. Very good. The make up and gowns were what I wanted. ;-) This particular day started at 4.30am for me. Woke up, bathed, and ate my breakfast before she came at 5.30am. Here we are after the make up. Helen's doing up my hair.

The kids being KPOH!!! Me entertaining them with my little bun bun.

My dad doing some blessing before we lowered the veil. After the veil was done, I started feeling hot. It sure was hot having something cover your entire face and head. Aircon also no use.

Little bro trying to open the door for "A". Hard to open ok but he managed cause he knew he was going to get an Ang bao for opening the door. Hehehe....

Here comes the Groom!!!

His entourage. 6 brothers in all. ;-)

Don't he look handsome today.

Forced to sing a love song to the bride. Brothers all helped out by singing at the top of their lungs. Hehehe....

Next up was stringing the fruit loops and eating them. But somebody only pretended to eat.... He let them drop to the floor when no one was looking.

After much fanfare, he finally made it in. I was already sweating like mad in the room already.

At the door at last!!!

To be con't ..........

Happy news

2008-02-13T14:34:00.002+08:00

I should be getting my new flat here at Bukit Panjang as our queue number is 62. Super happy. God is good!!! But of course its gonna take a long while before its built. Still happy though. At least I get a new flat and its near "A" parents. ;-)

Watched Apocolypto yesterday with "A" on video. Kinda grossed out by the show. So violent and brutal. Yucks. Whatever was Mel Gibson thinking when he made it. Nancy Drew was not bad. Yah lah. Am renting videos as there's a 24 hour machine nearby. Better than buying. Just rotting and lazying still. Will get to being busy soon. ;-)

Catching up

2008-02-11T13:25:00.000+08:00

Its been so long since I last blogged. Blame it on my laziness! ;-)

Here are some pictures taken since December. Bought Bun Bun a dress. But as can be seen I ripped it from some other toy I bought from the $2 shop. There just wasn't any dress small enough for her and I couldn't find it. Bun Bun's super happy about the dress and the head of the ripped off toy. Hehe......

Tried my hand at cooking Ja Jiang Mian. Korean style. Been watching too many Korean drama's and they all keep talking about Ja Jiang Mian. Was going crazy. Went to look for a Korean cookbook at the library and got the necessary ingredients. Was a yummy first try. Yum Yum....

Mmmm, wedding photos have got to wait a bit. "A" computer does not have a dvd reader.... so gotta transfer from his brother's comp to his comp before I can load it up for you all to see. But here's Bun Bun wearing a little tiara. Actually its mine....from the wedding...hehe... Ain't she cute. Yeps, she is naked again. I decided I prefer her naked. Cuter. Although she disagrees with me. Says I am a pervert. Hahaha.....

Heading for our short honeymoon. Cruise on Star Virgo. Here's "A" trying to look cute.

After checking into our balcony room. Was a pretty comfy room.

Us at Bella Vista. One of the restaurants onboard. I ate here most of the time. Prefered the food.

The night view. The ship was casting off. Leaving Harbour front. ;-) I got a little sea sick but it was still quite fun. Hehe..... No vomiting, just nausea.

"A" relaxing and enjoying the ocean air. Make that sea air....haha...what ocean? Me being a narcissis.

Don't they look like they just did it? Hehehe..... "A" placed them that way...Bun Bun looks super naked.... at least to me....

End of the trip...see my sickee face... nose running cause I can't really sleep in aircon...plus "A" coming back late from the jackpot room to disturb my sleep didn't help. ;-(

But cutesy Bun sure look cute!

After we got off at Harbour front, we saw this shop in Vivo selling little bunny clothes.... couldn't resist getting her a pretty dress. Just look at her....Super duper cute. Bought her the chair from another shop where you could make your own bears.

Her in the car. Looks like she has a car seat...hehe...

Oh, remember seeing how "A" dad decorated his place during the lantern festival. Here are pictures of him decorating the house during CNY. Super overboard. Hahaha..... So cute...

Little bun getting her ang bao from dada... Peanut looking super happy too!

"A" on New Year's Day. Hiao!!! Must wear jacket somemore....super hot day. Me in an orange top......

The 2nd day had us visiting the Haw Par Villa.... We tried the Flower exhibit at Sentosa but I was turned off by the crowd and heat. It felt like everyone was there. At least it was quieter at Haw Par Villa. "A" posing with Bun Bun....

Don't ask me what they were doing cause even I don't know. Full of nonsense. Hehe.... As long as he enjoyed himself. ;-)

Overall, its been good. I am happy. ;-)

Just married

2008-01-24T11:03:00.001+08:00

Finally the wedding stress is over. Feels so much better now. ;-) And there's not much difference being married or not. It feels the same. Ahahahaha. But I am happy.

On the wedding day itself, it all felt so surreal. Like is this really happening? Is it me really? I didn't get excited till after the thing itself. So funny. It felt like I needed to get through all the necessary for the day. Only at 5am the next morning, did I wake up and couldn't get back to sleep as I was talking too much about what happened during the day itself. "A" couldn't sleep too as ppl who drank too much usually have a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep too. So we ended up counting the red packets. After a while, I fell asleep so "A" finished the counting by himself. Hehe. I was in time to hear that we are able to cover the expenses. ;-D

We went for a short cruise for our honeymoon. Mmmmm..... It was ok cause I was in a lazy mood. So it was good for me to rot in my room with a book. Our dearest, went to the casino to play jackpot. Anal! Play so long. Guessed he enjoyed it. And no thanks to him, coming back to the room only at 3am and disturbing my sleep that I got sick on the ship. Running nose. Already sleeping in air con does that to me. Disturbing my sleep in the middle of the night makes it worse. Boo hoo hoo.... But food was not bad. I ate a lot. Freaking a lot. Hehe.... Was a little sick from the motion of the ship but overall it was a good trip. Someone didn't let me watch the topless act that they had onboard. Bleah!! Never see before mah, and was curious.

Will be resting at home for a short while before I attempt anything again. ;-P

Might post up some pictures later. Lazy la.....

Photo Montage

2007-12-31T16:44:00.000+08:00

The long awaited photo montage. Enjoy it! ;-)

Getting married

2007-11-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

Lots of things happened during my absence online. First of all, good news. I am getting married. ;-) The special day would be on the 15 Jan 2008. That means lots of things to get done. Most of it is done already. All that's left are the small details. I choose my gowns already and love what I chose. Hehe.. Anyways, will not talk much. Will post the pictures after the event.

I am Grumpy the Dwarf

2007-11-05T22:37:00.000+08:00

Been feeling grumpy as of late. The units that we wanted have been taken already. Might have to settle for an Executive if there's any left by the time its my turn. Darn it. Thats cause his dad wants us to buy near him. Its a must ok. He went on and on about it over the weekend when we decided to get the units over at Jurong East. So dead against it. Make me feel so depressed. I do not really wanna get a resale as I find giving the owners the $10k to $20k cash that they ask for ridiculous when I can use that amount for my renovation or furniture. So stupid. So anyways, shall see la. Worse come worse, wait for the downturn that will be coming real soon.

To top it off, I have been down with a stomach flu. Been feeling queasy and gassy. Disgusting. Make me more grumpy. Poor "A". Gonna go to bed now. Tired out.

One last note. Finally got my water heater. Hehe... Finally installed one at his place. His dad finally said yes. "A" is surprised...Hehe.... Good for me. Cold water is bad for me....

Translations

2007-10-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

Its hilarious and its just for fun. Enjoy!!

Listen

2007-10-28T14:29:00.000+08:00

Watched Dreamgirls this weekend. And yes "J" I now know why you were so addicted to this song. Very nice. Hehe. It was a good show. The singing were fantastic. :-)

Good news

2007-10-21T14:33:00.000+08:00

Took half day on Friday as it was "A" brother's birthday and was supposed to go collect his cake and since "A" is driving the car, might as well take half the day off to play as well and leave earlier for dinner. Went Ikea and had a super fun time looking at what we want for our place soon. We balloted for the quarterly 4 rooms and bigger flats and was shortlisted. Will have to go down in November to select. Hopefully the flat that we want will not be selected by others before us. Pretty good location. Getting excited about getting our own place at the same time, I realise that its a lot of money too. Hehe... Will be signing up for the pre marriage course too. Its one of those listed by MCYS. Its more flexible for "A" as its appointment for 4 sessions just the 2 of us and the coordinator. Nice! Things seem to be going smooth all of a sudden. ;-)

For his brother's birthday cake, I ordered from Awfully Chocolate. Their Rum and Cherry Chocolate Cake. Yummy! Its fantastically good. Here are some pics of it.

I only managed to share a slice with "A" cause I was too filled up by dinner. We had peking duck and suckling pig. Man..So freaking overfed. Food was good. We were looking at their menu and discussing that we could hold our wedding dinner there. Deco is damn cheena. But the food is very good. One or the other. Must think about it.

Oh, my recent buy after watching The Snow Queen is the products from Beauty Credit. The foundation is good. It doesn't weigh on the skin and feels very light. And the blusher is oh so sweet. I love the packaging. Just look at it. So super sweet.

Finally after so long, little bunny has a carrot. Thanks to "J". Hehe. We cut it off the other bunny she gave me....hahahaha...... That's her and her little carrot in a basket. She is starting to look very dirty. Gotta wash her really soon.

Here are some pics of the kids. Boy, are they growing fast. I went along with them for their Autumn Festival gathering in their school. Freaking hot and tiring ok. So regret it. Here they are eating before the event. I had no choice but to eat that in their school, cause that is all they sold. Bleah.... They had their own dinner brought by my mum.

Getting restless while the performance was going on. I was rolling my eyes all evening. Hehe.

Colouring contest. That's her coloring her pic. I had to tell her what to colour n such. Faint. And she coloured so lightly. Told her to colour harder la. Can't see and not nice.

And finally after long long wait. It was time to carry the lanterns. Yippeee!!!! I was near fainting from the heat by then. If you all remembered it was super hot then.

Super engrossed with his latern or shall I say mine. They are all carrying my lanterns. I wonder why they don't carry their own lanterns. And man, just look at "A" dad's bike. There are little piglet baskets hanging from the back. Ahahaahahaa....simply hilarious. He had the singapore flag up too when its National day. But piglet baskets is just overdoing it. Wahaahaahaaa....

Lightning strikes

2007-10-15T20:59:00.000+08:00

Lightning struck my office today. At least it struck my server. Not sure what happened. But that there was a loud clap of thunder that sounded more like an explosion. My colleague and I were going like, Wah, so loud. Scary man. Little did we know that it caused our entire network to collapse. So no more internet connection. Bad for me. Cause that would mean that I can't continue with my work. Blah blah. But luckily I did the bulk of the work already so at least I won't die at work tomorrow. Hehe... ;-)

On another note, am looking forward to a sort of reunion with a few of my secondary friends. "R" wife has just given birth and I would be going over to their place for his child's 1 month gathering. A few of my classmates will be going as well. Haven't seen some of them for a very long time. It would be fun. So far we talk online more often. Saw some of them on his wedding but that was only a few. Boy, how the years fly by. Most are married already. With kids somemore lor. "Roll eyes" Goodness, we are all getting old. Freaky.

2007-10-13T20:21:00.000+08:00

This is just something I would like to run around in my head. Kept thinking about this cause we talked about this. Meaning my friends and I. They mentioned that they don't see me having huge arguments with "A". In the past while I was with my previous boyfriend. They saw me arguing with him many times and very bad ones. I too remember having many major quarrels with him. It was bad I tell you. We would argue so badly that I remember throwing my ring at him many many times. Thinking back now, I do not know why it was like that.

I mean, looking at me and "A" now, we hardly have a major fight. So looking back at how bad I behaved last time shocks me. Perhaps its just that we were both unsuitable for each other cause of our temperaments. Perhaps I have grown more matured. I don't know. But I am so much happier with "A". Really happy. Of course I do get annoyed with him and him with me. But we don't have major quarrels. Perhaps its also cause he is more easy going. He takes my nonsense sometimes cause he knows thats how I am. But I don't really argue with him over ridiculously silly things.

So all in all. I must say that I have found a gem. ;-)

Lantern Festival

2007-10-13T19:54:00.000+08:00

I have not put up these photos for you all to see. This is what happens at his house every year during lantern festival. His dad will put up the entire string of lanterns. Dam brightly lit I tell you. If you are standing downstairs you will be able to spot his house. Ahahaahaa.... Dun mind the bunny in the picture. She had to be in every picture. Sick!!!

Cold rock ice cream rocks.

2007-10-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

Its another week once more.... Time flies by...my oh my... Just got back from town. Tons of people everywhere... seriously horrendous. "A" mum wanted to get Japanese Black Vinegar. Supposedly good for health. Went all the way to Taka to get it. Had my beef noodles while there. And got my body mist too while I was there. Wanted to get my usual Mar's n Spencer but kinda out of the way... so hopped into Body shop and got the White Mist one. Smells pretty good. Wanted my usual Lavender but Body Shop's Lavender smells a little sour not like Mark n Spencers. Weird. Thought Lavender smells the same. ;-D

Oh. Another nice place for ice cream is Cold Rock at Holland. Nice....they mix your ice cream with many many toppings of your choice. Comes from Australia...Another must try. Two nights in a row that I had ice cream. Thursday night was Cold rock n Friday night was Haagen Dazs Chocolate Foudue. But it wasn't that great. Cold rock was better. One thing about going to Holland is that the car park is always full. Damn annoying. Have to park far away and walk. Stupid planning when they renovated the car park. Why didn't they have a higher multi storey car park. Seriously bad planning.

We had the XO Crab Bee Hoon on Thursday night too at Holland. Still good and yummy. ;-) Its standard is pretty fixed I must say.

Hmm...another resting day at home today. "A" is working night... As for me... I will while away my time by reading and watching silly videos. He promised that we will head down to Joo Chiat tomorrow for mum mum... Guess that's all thats happening this weekend. Been rather edgy this past week. Will try my best to adjust my mood. Must be tired out from work and stuff. Treating "A" a little not well. But I am lucky. He forgives me for my crankiness. Thank goodness for little favours. ;-) But will try my best not to be cranky all the time.

Yeah ok. Will sign out now.

Pocoyo!!!

2007-10-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

SOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!

Buko Nero

2007-10-10T12:57:00.000+08:00

Had a sumptuous feast last night at Buko Nero. I must say it was truly an unique experience. One that I won't forget in a while. ;-)

Italian fusion..... nice! No photos allowed and I forgot to bring along my camera so yeah..no nice pics of food.

Its located along Tanjong Pagar Road. Very exclusive. Bookings must be made a month ahead. They can seat about 20 to 25 pax per evening.

Must try. I loved the food except the raw beef thingy. I for one can't stand bloody beef. Although I must admit that it was pretty good if I had no problems with raw beef. Mnd over matter...something I can't do...

Other than that it was a good evening. ;-)

Snow Queen - Ost

2007-10-06T12:49:00.001+08:00

Jo Sung Mo - Mr.Flower

2007-10-06T12:39:00.000+08:00

Addiction

2007-10-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

I own it that I have been really lazy as of late. Yes, yes, anti social as well. Not sure why. No particular reason. Just like being holed up. I dun really go out. Spend most of my time home. Tired from work on weekdays and want to rest early. Weekends are also spent resting and doing some spring cleaning. Dun have the energy to drag myself out. Too much work. Or perhaps its just me being pampered by "A". Hehe. Have to be chauffered....Ahahahaha.....

Anyways, here I am sitting in front of the comp downloading some Korean songs from my latest craze. The Snow Queen. Another soapy, teary korean drama that I love oh so much. Yes, the kind that makes me cry like mad. Where my eyes get all puffy and swollen like two fishballs. Mayhap its just that I love romantic storylines. Where the male lead cries and does just about everything for the female lead. Sigh, don't we girls all just wish for a male lead in our very own lives that resembles the HIM on screen. Handsome, sensitive, uber romantic, bend over backwards to our every bidding and whim. Sigh.....

Hehe.... of course he don't exist. Its just some fantasy made up in some script writer's brain. I mean come on.... there 's no such person out there....and that's why we watch such shows to pretend for that short short time. Its a feel good theory. ;-)

We pretend for that hour that such a thing exists...we imagine ourselves as the lead actress. Sigh. What a wonderful feeling. I mean, what do you expect from us. We live in a world where our lead actor has a pot belly, bad tempered, who can't be bothered with talking to us except to ask, "have you cooked dinner or I'm hungry! Of course we wanna hide ourselves for that hour imagining ourselves to be in that perfect place. Where he asks whether you are alright and where he does everything in his power to make you happy and not vice versa.... Lalala.... yeps...thats my theory. Okies...enough talk...time to resume my addicitve passion.

Inside the package....

2007-09-29T13:41:00.000+08:00

TIFFANY!!!!!

His & Her's!!

The bunny wondering where the rings went???

Consoled herself by wearing the ribbon. ;-)

Such a poor thing. He he.....